Beijing+30 Youth Blog: How can men respect women as equals when they are taught that being “like a woman” is the worst thing?
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Hanger. Belt. Slipper. These items, all too familiar in my family, were standard tools of punishment for children, each carrying a different weight of pain. As a child, I learned to associate them with discipline for offenses as minor as wearing the wrong clothes or having nails that were too long.
During a family gathering, I once noticed bruises covering my aunt's arms - so many bruises. I wondered why no one seemed to care. Intimate partner violence was so normalized that it wasn’t even seen as a problem. We lived with it, unaware that a safer world was even possible.
Frequent victim-blaming, the negligent attitude of law enforcement, and the pervasive üyat (shame) culture are major factors contributing to femicide in my country. According to the United Nations reports, more than 400 women are killed each year by their partners in Kazakhstan, with many cases going unreported.
To shed light on the issue, I conducted research for my junior year project titled “Attitudes and beliefs about domestic violence among adults and teenagers in Astana”. Immersing myself in the subject and interviewing witnesses of domestic violence from diverse socio-economic and ideological backgrounds, I was disheartened - yet unsurprised - to discover how unaware our community was of the problem. Some participants couldn’t even define the term “intimate partner violence”, while others placed blame on the women. Many dismissed intimate partner violence as a country-wide issue, instead associating it with low-income families or specific regions of Kazakhstan.
During the research, I questioned what drives the prevalence of violence against women and why men are often the primary perpetrators. Surveying 150 people and analyzing societal notions of toxic masculinity, I uncovered a deeper, more systemic issue rooted in the way boys are raised in Kazakhstan. Social expectations dictate that it is “natural” for men to be aggressive. Phrases like “Be tough at all costs,” “Don’t cry like a girl,” and “Vulnerability is a weakness” perpetuate this mindset. By instilling in men the belief that the worst thing they could be is “like a woman,” how can we expect them to grow to respect women as their equals?
I shared my findings with the school administration and community, encouraging girls to report violence cases and educating boys on preventative measures. This effort allowed me to dismantle the taboos around this topic, reassuring girls that they are not alone and emphasizing that this is a societal issue, not their personal burden. This is parallel to the tragic case of Saltanat's murder, which highlights how collective action can influence and reshape social norms.
For decades, women in Kazakhstan have been silenced by ‘üyat culture’ and victim-blaming, discouraged from speaking out about violence. Since the decriminalization of intimate partner violence in 2017, police have frequently dismissed such cases as insignificant “family issues.” However, the tragic case of Saltanat has mobilized millions, uniting them in a demand for justice for her and other survivors of violence. This tragedy played a crucial role in the approval of a law criminalizing intimate-partner violence, now referred to as ‘Saltanat's Law,’ symbolizing the collective pain and resilience of Kazakhstani women.
In the patriarchal pyramid, femicide represents the most severe manifestation of gender-based violence. It stems from deeply ingrained gender roles and fundamental attitudes reflected in our language, humor, and behavior: catcalling, misogynistic jokes, and stalking – all of which violate women's dignity and integrity.
As we approach the 30th commemoration of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action, it is critical to reflect on its vision of a world free from gender-based violence. Every voice matters in challenging the status quo and fostering change. Speaking publicly about violence not only helps create a network of healing and empowerment for those affected but also lays the foundation for preventing future cases.
Reflecting on my own childhood experiences and the countless stories of women who endured violence without support, I am reminded of the urgent need for collective action. As a member of Būlbūl and “Feminita,” I will persist in advancing my initiatives and raising my voice in honor of all women, striving for a safer and more just world for generations to come.
Togzhan Kanapina. Photo: Personal archive
Biography: Togzhan Kanapina is a 19-year-old psychology student from Kazakhstan who is studying at Erasmus University Rotterdam in the Netherlands. Born in 2005, she researches the correlation of maternal prenatal depression on child executive functioning and mental health at Erasmus Medical Center. Togzhan is also deeply involved in feminist initiatives in Kazakhstan, advocating for women's rights and bringing critical issues into public discussion.
Email: t.kanapinaaa@gmail.com
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This blog post is part of the Beijing+30 “Speak Youth to Power” series, and the opinions and views expressed here do not necessarily reflect the views of UN Women, the United Nations, or its Member States.