For ALL Women and Girls: Ruslan Kazybayev on transforming patriarchal masculinities

#ForAllWomenAndGirls is a rallying call for action on the 30th anniversary of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action. In western Kazakhstan’s Aktobe region, civil activist Ruslan Kazybaev leads the local branch of the Fathers’ Union and supports families raising children with autism. Through his personal journey, Kazybaev reflects on how involved parenting and responsible fatherhood can be powerful tools to transform patriarchal masculinities and offers new answers to the question: “What does it mean to be a man?”

Ruslan Kazybaev lives in Aktobe with his wife, Sara, and their three children. His eldest son, now 20, was diagnosed with autism at the age of four. This diagnosis prompted the couple to reconsider their life values and make significant personal changes. “I came to the issue of responsible fatherhood through my own parenting experience,” says Kazybaev.

“One day, I was with my son in the hospital and saw a frail woman lifting her teenage son to change his diaper. It left a deep impression on me,” Kazybaev recalls. “Women in our society already carry a tremendous burden of domestic work and caregiving responsibilities. But for mothers of children with disabilities, it’s often even heavier – and they are frequently left to bear it alone.” 

“The more I delved into this issue, the more I saw things I hadn’t thought about before. Even within marriage, men often distance themselves from caregiving responsibilities. When a child has a disability, it’s not uncommon for the marriage to break down. And when it happens, the care of the children typically falls entirely on the woman's shoulders. The father often cuts his own children out of his life - as if he were divorcing them too.”

According to Kazybaev, current inequalities in family and parenting roles are primarily rooted in gender stereotypes and discriminatory social norms. Nine years ago, he joined the Union of Fathers in Kazakhstan and began leading its branch in Aktobe. A year later, he founded a public organization to assist parents raising children with autism. 
In his public work, Ruslan Kazybaev advocates for equal rights and opportunities for women and men, equitable sharing of domestic work and care work, and engaged fatherhood. In 2024, he participated in the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence in Kazakhstan and engaged in a discussion with Aktobe youth on transformative masculinities and the role of men in ending violence against women. 

“The role of men and fathers in combating gender-based violence cannot be overstated. They can significantly contribute to changing negative social norms. Education plays a crucial role as well - men can share knowledge about gender equality with their peers and encourage for more opportunities for women and girls,” believes Kazybaev. 

He also reflects that supporting women in their aspirations and life goals is vital and that we must create conditions that allow them to thrive. “Above all, we must adopt a zero-tolerance stance towards violence. As men, we must be willing to intervene and speak out against any violence or bias in our society.”

When people ask him what it means to be a “real man” in today's world, Kazybaev has a straightforward answer: responsibility - a “real man” recognizes his responsibilities for his actions and the well-being of his family; respect for others - a “real man” shows respect for women and promotes equitable relationships within his family and community; emotional openness - a “real man” is capable of expressing his feelings and building meaningful relationships; active participation - a “real man” actively engages in issues concerning the safety and well-being of his community and takes part in social initiatives.

Kazybaev believes that each of us can contribute to creating a safe and supportive environment for women and girls. “I believe education and awareness are essential. We need to cultivate values that prevent violence and promote mutual understanding between women and men,” says Ruslan Kazybaev.